American Morning

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July 1st, 2011
05:43 AM ET

Question of the Day: Would you go through with the wedding if you received a scathing e-mail from your future Mother-in-law?

For any bride to be, one of the most stressful and nerve-wracking aspects of preparing for married life is meeting your future in-laws and, above all, attempting to win over your future mother-in-law.

For one British woman, Heidi Withers, this experience was particularly difficult. Shortly after Withers visited her fiance's  family home in Devon, a rural county west of London, she received an email from her future mother-in-law that criticized everything from her table manners and sleeping habits to her parents' financial status.

Withers showed the brutal email to a few of her friends, and it has since gone viral. A full copy is available here.

American Morning wants to know: Would you go through with the wedding if you received that e-mail from your future Mother-in-law?

Post your response here. Your answer could be included in this morning's broadcast.


Filed under: AM Asks
soundoff (13 Responses)
  1. anon

    It would depend on the fiance's action. If he stood up to her or was willing to go no contact with her, I would still go through with the wedding. She wouldn't be welcome at the wedding unless she gave a sincere apology.

    As for the manners issue, given Ms. Withers is diabetic, if she were a guest in my home, I'd give her free reign of whatever she needed foodwise. My uncle is diabetic and I know it can be tricky to keep blood sugar regulated. And diabetics can get quite ill if their blood sugar isn't properly regulated. I'd rather go to some extra trouble than have her pass out or have to go to the hospital.

    As for the sleeping in, was it every day for a long visit? Or just the first day of a short visit? Was she feeling ill or fatigued or just relaxing? She might have a point here, but I don't have enough information to tell.

    Personally, I tend to rise earlier than both guests/hosts. I generally stay quiet until they're up. I always bring books to read so I can entertain myself when visiting and have them on hand at home. I tend to go along with my guests when they're here. I think it's probably easier to be the early riser because there's plenty you can do to quietly entertain yourself, while it's probably tougher getting up earlier than you're used to.

    The comments about her parents' financial status were extremely rude and uncalled for. As were her comments about the impending marriage. If they're receiving funds from Mrs. Bourne and her husband and Mrs. Bourne thinks it's too much, she needs to address that with her husband, not her stepson's fiancee. And she should address any concerns about the marriage to the stepson, not his fiancee.

    Thank yous are always a good idea. I always treat my hosts for at least one meal when I'm visiting. Small gifts after or bringing them with you during the visit are nice too. I know technically, they're supposed to be written, but I've texted, emailed and phoned thanks as well. I'll confess, I wasn't well versed in thank yous or RSVPs (I thought I only had to respond if I was going) and a few other areas of etiquette. I learned from friends and family who were better versed. At no point were they rude and obnoxious about it. The taught me by being good examples.

    July 4, 2011 at 12:20 pm |
  2. Sean

    Thanks for waving the Canadian Flag on our Bday! Happy Early Independence Day! Yah America Rocks! Keep on ROCKing in the FREE WORLD!

    July 1, 2011 at 7:46 am |
  3. Sabrina

    I'd go through with the wedding (of course) but the MIL would not be getting an invite.

    July 1, 2011 at 7:23 am |
  4. James In the North

    Sorry DIL.. You should have confronted just your MIL and not sent this to your friends, who told the whole world.

    Freddie,

    Run from them both!!!!!!!!!!

    July 1, 2011 at 7:01 am |
  5. patrick kipp

    While manners are important and not practiced by many these days, I would follow through with the wedding, apologize and use this experience as a lesson in how NOT to act in someone else's home. This mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to be were both wrong.

    July 1, 2011 at 7:01 am |
  6. Dianna

    I expect that the future daughter in law has given a reason for her to respond this way. The daugter in law is probably immature and is not the best match for her son. Many of us parents have experienced that our children do not choose a spouse for the correct reasons and are blind until later to problems that will show themselves.

    July 1, 2011 at 6:58 am |
  7. Justin T

    u can always get back at the in-laws at xmas by buyin them crappy gifts

    July 1, 2011 at 6:57 am |
  8. Mike Walsten

    I have a 20-something single son, live in Florida where we host numerous family and friend guest visits AND have friends who are British so I can (almost) completely understand what she is saying. Try hosting multiple groups of people in your home for 4-7 days at a time before you criticize the points she makes. Saying she felt sorry for Freddie was a bit harsh, though.

    July 1, 2011 at 6:52 am |
  9. Bob in Houston

    Yes, and I would my mother-in-law a video of the wedding; then I would really enjoy our honeymoon.

    July 1, 2011 at 6:47 am |
  10. David Shabot

    I think that what the mother said to her future daughter-in-law was brave and good, nut she have had the guts to say it in person or to her son to relay the message. The future daughter-in-law seems self absorbed, somewhat impolite and certainly not flexible. I vote for the mother and say "right on".

    July 1, 2011 at 6:31 am |
  11. sheila hagler

    Run Freddie Run. You girlfriend obviously has no couth. This mother-in-law speaks to the problem with young people today: a lack of civility.
    When in Rome do as the Romans do. If you are guest, everything this mother-in-law to be said is a must. The was doing Freddie's fiance a favor.

    July 1, 2011 at 6:31 am |
  12. Scott

    It sounds like the daughter in law has few if any manners. Not surprising considering todays average 20 something.

    July 1, 2011 at 6:30 am |
  13. Elizabeth

    My decision to go through with the wedding would all depend on my fiance's reaction to such a letter. Would he defend me to his stepmother? Or would he shy away from standing up to her. His reaction would be more telling of our future, and my future with the future mother in law, than anything else.

    July 1, 2011 at 6:24 am |