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April 28th, 2010
07:00 AM ET
Parents sue over Russian adoption
(CNN) – Russian adoptions are firmly in the spotlight right now after the recent story of a Tennessee woman who put her adopted son on a plane by himself to Russia, saying he was too much to handle.
Today, an equally controversial and heart-wrenching case is grabbing national attention. Our Alina Cho went to Virginia where she spoke to an adoptive family who says a Russian orphanage misled them.
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If one more person says "adopt American" I will scream. Unless you are an adoption professional or an adoptive parent, you don't know what adopting involves. No one is asking all those people "why did you have a child, could you afford it , do you have a good relationship, is he American" , why is adoption open to scrutiny.
Really – shut up
I am a single parent who adopted from China. When I contacted my local state Family Services offices, I was told I could not adopt a baby or toddler as a single parent, unless I could take one with special needs (which could range from a physical problem to drug or alcohol addiction) or one who was part of a multi-sibling group, any or all of which could have special needs. I did not believe I could parent more than one child at a time, and with a very limited number of special needs, and contacted an adoption agency. They told me, as a single parent, it could be 7-8 years before I could adopt a toddler or infant domestically, as the birthparents would most likely prefer a couple, and the cost would most likely range from $30,000 to $50,000. On the other hand, there were children, mostly girls, in China who needed a loving home and the Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) allowed singles to adopt (they no longer do so) - the costs would be approximately $15,000 to $20,000. It took over a year, but I was matched with a precious little girl in January 2007. She was a little behind developmentally, but at 4 1/2, she is now on par, if not ahead of her classmates. If I had tried to adopt here in the US, I'd still be waiting to be a parent.
I used the same adoption agency this family did. It was made VERY clear to me that there could be existing medical issues that were currently not visible. Each family took their children, with an interpreter, to a doctor in China, before the adoptions were finalized and were allowed to ask questions about everything. I was also given a health history on my child before I went to China, and it was recommended that I have a pediatrician review it (which I did). Between the classes and meetings that you are required to attend, these parents should have been well aware that there are no guarantees, and what issues are probable and potential in adopting from a specific foreign country.
Reading between the lines, I am thrilled that ALL of you will be adopting chidren in need from anywhere in the world and bringing them into your stable loving home.
However you want to say it, when an adoption happens it is because something went dramtaically wrong. My adopted kids are only 1 for 2 on the Mom and Dad scorecard. Because this most sacred bond is broken, they have to face that. No matter what it will shade their lives. Helping adopted children is hard, heartwrenching and requires patience, acceptance, discipline and a willingness to be there FOR THEM, regardless of what you want to be true or need yourself.
But, celebrating their successes, and gaining their trust, and watching them grow to be strong wonderful men, is worht everythings. They ahve taught me how to give love, truly unconditionally.
Foreign adoptions are a huge source of revenue to many countries, Russia, China, many other Asian countries and several African nations. I liken it to puppy mill adoptions . . . you don't know what you're getting and the problems you may be faced with as well as the financial and psychological burdens these children may cause. I agree, adopt children from this country. Why is it so difficult and costly to give an unwanted child in the US a loving home? Could it be too many child welfare agencies would put out of business should it become easier to adopt locally. I further think the fact we have children available for adoption in this country who will go through childhood without hearing someone saying "I love you," "Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite," ect., is akin to a crime against humanity, OUR humanity and our conscience.
This is rediculous. It's synonomous with those people who buy puppies from puppy mills and then sue when they find out that they have heart defects and genetic problems. These poor children didn't ask to be born, and they have gone through events that no child should ever be subjected to. Anyone who adopts a child needs to understand that the child has probably already experienced some type of emotional or psychological trauma. Even if they were an infant when they were placed in the orphanage, growing up in that kind of environment often creates attachment issues and behavioral problems. This is true of orphanages everywhere-not just Russia. Russian orphanages have been the subject of a lot of scrutiny lately, and it may or may not be justified-but either way-the end result is that these are children who need love, support, and patience. They are not puppies that can be returned to the pound!!! (BTW-puppies don't deserve that either).
We could not have children either, and after much prayer & consideration, we became foster parents and eventually adopted a 3-sibling group from right in our own state (a brother, 5, & his ssters, 2 & 5). The state even PAID for the entire adoption. They also cover them for insurance until they're 18 years of age. We did not expect that part, but it's been a blessing in disguise. They still have some emotional issues due to everything their bio-family put them through but that can happen even with biological children. We're blessed either way 🙂
People adopt from Russia because they want WHITE babies with blue eyes and blonde hair. Guess what? Children aren't dolls, they are living, breathing PEOPLE. If you can't handle the heat, don't get into the kitchen!
First of all, if you adopt an older child (over the age of 3 OR siblings), you generally pay NO adoption fee. These are the children WHO NEED a home...everyone wants a baby because they are "cute".
But, on both sides, parents need to inquisitive BEFORE adopting. We had an American child who had the same challenges as the boy sent back. Sadly, after a hospital stay, we had to place him back in the system, only then did the DFCS agency (GA) say he would never be adopted because of all the psychiatric problems – it was at that time they disclosed to us what these were. Had we known ahead of time, we could have been better prepared and had to terminate the process.
Agencies, whether local or other countries, are only concerned with adopting a child, not whether they have a good and proper home.
Rachel, Donna in Westwood said the child looked 4-5 years older than a 4 year old. That means he looked 8 or 9 years old and yes, a 9 year old is quite a bit bigger than a 4 year old. We should check our understanding before we question someone's credibility.
Rachel you are way off... Donna may just be right.. Do you know how many children come into this country under false pretenses?? Parents of these kids lie about their age for whatever reason. They may say their kid is only 4 but they really are 7. Don't be fooled. There are some kids with come severe behaviorial issues out there. Thats why I agree with the other posters, adopt a US child. We have enough of them who need homes. We don't need the rest of the worlds problem children, we got enough of our own.
One of my best friends went to a few Russian orphanages last year and was completely appalled by how they treated the kids. Almost all of them have never seen color crayons and most of the babies didn't know how to smile because they were never looked at or played with. The children with special needs would be tied up in a straight jacket and stuck in the corner. The Russian Government saying that it needs to keep children in its country to keep them safe is bull! Before anyone says anything we should take a look at how Russia is actually treating their children. Its no wonder why they are having so many problems!
For those of you stating so very simply "adopt from your own country"...I am certain you have no clue. And, have NEVER tried to do so. I am an adoptive parent. After much waiting and being on a wait list for an American child, we decided to adopt a child from Russia, several years ago, becasue these children were on a wait list. In America, the potential parents are on a wait list and when they are "chosen" by a birth mother, pay for all the medical bills etc and may never "get" the child. Some of the Moms can't find the birth fathers and those rights have to be signed over or the child could be taken from you later. That is the majority of adoptions here. Also, the foster care system is quite difficult, many children have the same issues as these Russian children. Trust me the orphanges cover it up. It's not right. Please don't comment so drastically either, unless you have experience in the subject matter.
I have not adopted any children, however I have given birth to three, and I do not see any difference – if you give birth to a child, you take them as they are, and if there are problems, you take care of them. Adoption in my mind is the same, you run the same risk of adopting a child with problems, and you simply have to take care of them. These people decided to adopt outside of the country for whatever reason, and they should just be happy with the child that they were lucky enough to receive and deal with whatever comes up. THAT is what families do, period!
My husband and I are adopting from the Congo, where fetal alcohol sydrome isn't a problem. Even though it's not an issue we need to be concerned with, I know that it's very common in Eastern European countries.
I feel that if someone is adopting, they should be given education, but it's also their responsibility to educate themselves. Adoption is a choice, the agency doesn't force anyone to do anything.
It's a major decision and should be made with the upmost knowledge and understanding.
I am not siding with the agency, if they lied, they're wrong but I think the parents should have taken adoption more seriously.
I would love to adopt a child, however it is so expencive it is crazy, I know that extensive background checks that need to be done but the amount required toadoped if outrageous, so many kids in this country could have a loving family if the goverment was not trying to make a buck from it.
JM, re-read Donna's post, please.
Yes, it would seem there are some serious problems with some of these children. However, there's cause to wonder about the maturity of would-be parents who are overwhelmed by a child's behavior in such a short span.
I am adoptive parent. I adopted an infant in the US. But it was not easy or inexpensive.
We considered adopting overseas due to the laws that allow birthparents to "reclaim" the children they placed for adoption for years after the adoption is final. Adopting overseas eliminates that fear, and that is one reason people do it.
The kids adopted from Russia are seldom if ever infants. They have all been exposed to neglect (at least) in institutional orphanages. I've been in these places. Some are horrible, some are okay, but none foster a family atmosphere. When a child from a place like that is placed with an American family, it is like being dropped on a different planet. None of the coping methods they have developed apply.
Parents adopting older kids (over 2 years) need to be prepared for a lot of counseling and downright WORK to parent these kids. And sad to say, some parents are simply not able to handle challenges that large, leading to kids being abused (at worst) or institutionalized in the States, or loaded onto a plane and shipped back to Russia like a spoiled piece of fruit.
Rachael,
Read closely......it says he looked 4 or 5 years OLDER than the 4-5 year olds in the class. In other words he looked 8 – 10 year old.
Any child who is over the age of two years and has had a difficult life will have issues to deal with. Kids in the US system or a third world country will have lots of the same problems (PTSD, FAS, sexual abuse, etc). Doesn't a child from any country deserve a family?? My bio-US-born nephew has lots of problems and has threatened to kill his parents from a young age. His siblings are doing well though. My two Russian born adopted sons (adopted at 3 and 5 years old) have never threatened anyone, and are doing really well ten years after their adoption. I think the parents did not prepare themselves for the possibilities. Love doesn't conquer all issues. My sister-in-law wants to know who she can sue for her bio son's issues!!
kids r kids no matter were they r from i believe......when i was young i used to watch my friends scream and kick and bite there parents so this whole russian thing really isn't nothing
Why not adopt in the US? Because the US makes it so difficult. My husband and I went through the home study, being told the entire time that once we got through the paperwork and red tape it would take about a year to be matched with a child. It was our first child, and I'm not ashamed to say that we asked for an infant. We wanted that experience, instead of a toddler or older child, to be our first child.
Once we finished all of the hurdles and were finally ready to be matched with a child we were then told, oh my! It will take 5 or 6 years to be matched with an infant! Did we forget to tell you that? But here, you can adopt this toddler right now! And here! Here is a toddler whose mother was addicted to crack! The fee will be cut in half if you adopt them! How about this lovely sibling group? The fee will be cut to less than half if you adopt them! We were discouraged at every turn from waiting for an infant. At the time, our state was not keen on placing children with parents of different ethnicities, so it wasn't that we were not open to that. We were being pushed to adopt older children, when we had been open and honest in stating that we wanted to start with an infant, and would be open to an older child for a second adoption.
We kept our name active on their list and began investigating international adoption, as an option. Within 2 years, we had brought home our son from Russia. Our son is now 13. We're still waiting to hear from our state regarding a domestic adoption. My phone number and address hasn't changed. And our social worker filed glowing reports regarding our son.
So don't criticize what you don't understand.
For all the people asking why not adopt in America, I believe someone answered the question earlier. It's way more expensive and everyone that adopts isn't rich. The true question is why adoption has been turned into the industry that it is?
I am ashamed of these people. How can you adopt a child and then send him back because of mental problems. They knew what they were gettig them selves in to when you adopt a child. I hope they lose their ass on this. Sorry excuse for a human!
i have a friend that adopted two children from russia; one of which was a boy and that has many, many mental issues. aside from that, it is my understanding that if you adopt from the US, the bioligical parent can decide at any time to take back their child and there's not much that can be done to stop them from doing so. and it is my understanding that it costs less to adopt from overseas...i'm not sure of the validity of that, but it is what i've heard. i've also heard it is a shorter process to adopt from overseas, though it requires several trips to the country of adoption, lots of paperwork and legalities. maybe if we made changes to our adoption process here in the US, such as making it so that a parent can't snatch back their child, you would see less foreign adoptions and more fortunate adopted children here.
@Rachel,
Donna didn't say four-five years "old." She said four-five years "older." So the rest of your comment is, itself, illogical.
AMEN Nancy and the rest of you who think they should adopt from America!!
Its sad reading this and some of the comments that people have left on here. Sure there are American children that are waiting to be adopted but if anyone on here has ever tried to adopt through their local social services , it's next to impossible. Depending on the state, it may take years for an adoption to go through or the birth mother may change her mind. Couples choose international adoption usually out of frustration with the system that exists here in the United States. If the laws were changed and some of these deadbeat parents had their rights terminated faster than they do, more couples would chose to adopt domestically rather than to go through the whole international adoption process.
Other frivolous adoption of a blond russian boy by a frivolous american family
Trying to adopt in the US is a long, tedious and heartbreaking road. After striking out in the US, I adopted a child from Russia. MY SON IS WONDERFUL! He is loving, kind, good hearted and all out fabulous! There are children with behavioral issues from every walk of life. it is very sad that witht he Russian adoptees you only hear about the problems, not the success stories.
I work for my county's CPS and it never ceases to amaze me how screwed up this system really is. For a couple that cannot have children and want to adopt, AFTER having gone through rigorous trainings, classes and putting up thousands of dollars to adopt a child can perhaps find one here in the US. However, a person on drugs that neglects and/or abuses their child, gets FREE help, FREE food, FREE medical care and will pop out more as soon as she is able. Makes so much sense it gives me a headache............
Nancy. The process of domestic adoptions is a nightmare. We've been trying for 3 years to get through it to no avail.
At this point we are turning to private adoption.
I am the aunt of a boy that was adopted from Russia. He had behavioral concerns, but he is one of the most loving children I know. When you adopt, you don't just exchange a child like a toy at a store if it has problems. You work through them. I can now say that my nephew is taking medication, and is a turned around child. It was a long process, but it's what parents do. These people complaining and wanting to return these children are disgusting to me.
@rachel- and also, there is no such word as "overexaggerating"- it's redundant and nonsensical. But of course I would not expect a so-called teacher of your caliber to know that
Adoptive children should be the same as other children...no refunds, no exchanges.
@rachel- wow you say you are a teacher yourself but apparently you cannot read, nor can you add. She said he was 4 years old but appeared to be 4-5 years OLDER. That means he looked 8 or nine. It amazes me that we pay teachers so much money and most of them are as stupid as a bar of soap.
Why are people adopting from other countries when there are kids in AMERICA that need families too... Since there seems to be such a problem with Russian kids, why do people insist on adopting them? Seems to me like people in America are treating foreign kids the same as celebrities do the small dogs.. They look good to tote around. This is the problem with America today. We are more concerned about other countries than our own..
Why would you not adopt within the US? Have you ever been through an adoption of a US child only to, years later, have the biological parents show up at the door saying "give me my kid back, now I'm ready to be a parent" and after spending several thousand dollars more in attorney's fees (after the thousands you spent to adopt in the first place) have a court decide to give the child, whom you've raised and love very much back? Consider this. This is why people don't adopt within the US.
I have an adopted daughter and you wouldnt believe the crap we had to go through to adopt, more paperwork than buying a house. we had to take classes (6 weeks long), had to have our house inspected by several different agencies, background checks and etc. It took over 1 year before the adoption was final because the state kept dropping the ball. So, I finally had to get a close personal friend who is a state senator involved to speed up the adoption process. So i can see why people go out of the country to buy a kid but i still think that the kids HERE should be adopted instead of going out of country. just my 2 cents
I can't believe the comments on here. Adopt in America? American made? These are children people, not cars! All children deserve a chance to be loved, no matter what country they come from.
I don't feel sorry for American families who adopt overseas. Why do they do it? Because it's less expensive? Because in Russia you're guaranteed a blode/blue eyes baby? Gimme a break! When you adopt a child that is a toddler or older, you're bound to get a child that has psychological issues. It's obvious! This child has been through hardships at such an early age! Not only did his OWN BIOLOGICAL PARENTS give him away, but god only knows what other kind of abuses he's dealt with at the orphanage. You get what you pay for people!!!
There are many children in THIS country that need homes!!! Don't be so darn anti-American.
This whole situation is just reminiscent of the movie "The Orphan" that came out this past summer
Rachel who commented to Donna in Westwood – you need to go back and re-read her email – she didn't say 4-5 years old, she said 4-5 years oldER – meaning 8-9 years old.
Until you have experienced the adoption process (both domestic and international, and I have), then you should not be speaking about things you do not understand.
Adoption in the US is difficult, both emotionally and financially. Adopting abroad also has it challenges. Yes there are children here who need homes . That does not mean that the government agencies do not lie or that it is easier, safer, or better to adopt here. Also keep in mind that the US also exports children; we just pretend that we don't.
Remember that the vast majority of adoption stories are NOT told because the parents are loving and the children and happy and adjusted. News stories like this one are the outliers!
Adopting a child is a wonderful experience, and it does not matter where the child comes from.
This is all VERY SAD.
Everything is correctable – be it with medication, patience, counseling, and training.
These children need help and continuous LOVE, not parents who throw in the towel when the kids behave improperly.
In all fairness, as Kristine stated it is exponentially more expensive to adopt in the United States as it is to adopt out of the country. I am a single 30-something year old woman who is unable to have children and I have been looking into the subject extensively. I have no preference over where the child is from and I understand no matter what country it is from, it could potentially have a myriad of issues.
I'm fortunate in that my company offers adoption assistance, but even that is maxxed out at $10,000. I make plenty of money to have a child, but that large chunk ($30,000 +) would deplete all of my savings and 401k. However, I could adopt from let's say India, and the cost goes down to about half of that.
In first place, why they took the child and after 6 years they cannot put it on anyone shoulder. This is like a blind date for which they should not have gone. Without spending time one doesnot know what is wrong. They should adopt within US on which they can have complete knowledge, and adoption is necessary when there is a need. When you have your own it does not make sense as you take time from own children and share it with others.
some of these reports are very biased!
a case report can not be generalized. consider this, a chile is moved to a different country, with every single thing strange to him/her. Language, culture, people, faces, everything that could have give him the feelings of being safe is gone now. before adjustmt he comes to a defensive and self protection strategy ( which all of you would do, think if suddenly moved to a tribe in sahara!, sonsidering kid doesnt have the experience of an adult to to adjustment faster.
If you see a russian in street who was violent can not generalize russians are violent ppl, it is random and biased observation, one can show 100 american kids who are as musch or more violent. I have serious critics on fact of adopting from another country, when you choose the wrong place to obtain ur desired thing, then bad results arent the kid's or agency's fault, may be parents have to see a counselor first to find out who would be the best candidate, before putting a kid's life and mental and psychological health into jeapardy and comming to premature judgments as I see in both news and opinions.
Ben
Miami, FLorida
I am unclear why some people feel so strongly that Americans must adopt only American children, and that if they don't that they "deserve what they get" or only want "designer babies". As our world becomes smaller and more interconnected, what is so wrong about reaching out beyond our borders to ALL children in need permanent, loving homes? Deciding how to create your family (through biologyl, domestic adoption, foster care, international adoption....) is a deeply personal decision and there are many factors to consider such as the process/requirements, cost, the relative need of the children (poverty, growing up in orphanages vs. foster homes) and above all, where your heart pulls you. For those so adamant that American adoptions are the ONLY acceptable choice, I hope that you have taken any opportunity you may have to adopt or foster American children in need of your love and support.
Reactive Attachment Disorder
People need to learn about it BEFORE adopting. Adoption agencies need to inform prospective parents BEFORE adoption. It's the main issue with ALL adoptions, not just ones from other countries.
For those of you who are asking why not "Adopt American", i have a few reasons why we chose international adoption. We did debate about domestic vs. international adoption and found the following (this was a few years ago, and the laws may have changed since then):
1) The process is much more complex where you have to have the birth mother choose you vs. getting put on a waiting list.
2) It's much more expensive and potentially a longer process if you are not picked quickly (international adoption was very fast)
3) There are grace periods where the birth mother can change her mind and take the child back (and you stand to lose about $30k to $40k with no repercussions).
4) We were told by the adoption agencies that we interviewed at the time that approx 10% of all domestic adoptions are overturned even after the grace period ended (we did not research that metric though).
5) We disagreed with open adoption where the birth mother is involved in raising the child (it was our personal choice, for some i'm sure it's fine).
One thing that i can agree with is that Russia is known for AIDS cases and FAS children. We did our research and knew that ahead of time...
I don't think Americans refuse to "adopt locally"... it's just often easier/less expensive to adopt from another country. Additionally, many people feel they are reaching out and saving a child that might otherwise never have a family beyond the group home they're currently living in. I don't know what the adoption rate is IN Russia/China/Ethiopia, etc but I imagine it's lower than here.
FAS is more than a child "acting up". These parents sound like they did what they could for several years before finally reaching the end of their rope. I wouldn't wish this burden on anyone.
Wow, are they that desperate that they had to adopt from Russia when there are hundreds of homeless children in New York City alone. VERY PATRIOTIC! 🙁
Until you have adopted a child from Russia and brought him/her into your life, please refrain from judgement. Some of these kids are wonderful while some bring nothing but heartache, and, sadly, there is a lot of cover-up by the agencies, so that they can turn these kids as quickly as possible. As the oldest sibling to four adopted children, I can assure you that you can love and love, and, sometimes, as with even a naturally born child, it does not matter; however, with a 'natural' child, you are aware of all and everything that was part of bringing him/her into this world – if you have been lied to/misled regarding a child that you've adopted, someone should be held accountable...and it shouldn't be the parents...a lot, if not all of whom, wanted a child more than most any of you could ever imagine.
My first sibling was an older adoptee from China. She was 13 when we brought her home, and while not all has been smooth sailing, she has developed into a wonderful young woman. The three youngest were a family group from Russia. They were nine, six and five when they were brought home, and every day is a battle with the oldest. He is now 17, and has pummeled our little sister (and we are not talking a 'typical' sibling fight), knocked our mother down on a concrete floor, shot a gun in the house...the list, sadly, goes on and on, to the point that the youngest, at 13, has called the cops on him, because he could not 'calm down.' I worry, constantly about them, as they moved 13 hours away, and there is nothing I can do to protect mom or the kids. He is, single-handedly, ruining our mother and the two youngest's lives, and he doesn't care.
So, before you judge these other people and their choices and decisions, you get your life backed up against a wall, where you don't know which way is up, and are trying everything you can to just hold onto a small bit of sanity, because, until you've walked (as the saying goes) a mile in their shoes, you do NOT know what you are talking about.
sorry, didn't mean these people with Roman, meant the others like the mom who put the kid on the plane back to Russia.
What none of you people realize is how hard it is to adopt children from right here, in the U.S. Believe it or not, the process is faster & easier to adopt from foreign countries. Our legal system favors unification & often times, many adoptive families are separated in favor of the biological parents. Those of you chastising people for wanting to adopt need to mind your own business & do your research before posting scathing attacks on others.
rachel, you seem to have failed reading comprehension, the worst part is you're a teacher.
Donna clearly said and I quote "...but was the size of a child 4-5 years older." notice she never said he looked 4 to 5 years old in comparison to the 4yr olds he was with. (This is where reading comprehension becomes important) she said OLDER, meaning (heres where we use math) he looked like he was 8 or 9 years old.
Yes, my study has shown that Russian and Balkan adoptions yield the most psychologically disturbed and violent children. Also, many parents still choose this region because the children have enough Caucasian features to blend in to their own family.
There are many children in the US that need adoption, I agree. However, the process is too long for most to wait.
Liechenstein has the fewest adoptions but the handful of lucky parents are extremely satisfied. Hopefully, this country will allow more in the future.
China might have to have a recall of babies adopted from 2008-2009. Many parents, I have heard, are having issues.
Remember, be patient and adopt an American orphan.
Are any children perfect. You could have a carried it 9 months, perfect delivery child and still have a problem child. I teach and a lot of my kids didn't have behavior problems until... one or more parent ended up in prison, four or more siblings in the home none with matching parents, poverty and the stigma and lack of opportunities that comes with that challenge.
You give birth to a child/adopt a child saying what ever may come I am choosing to give this child all I have, all my care and unconditional love no matter what. These people who complain, sue or send their kids back should have known they were not the kind of parents these children needed. They are narcisists who wanted to be the center of attention with their friends and when that wore off they want to be done.
Just go get a puppy when a kid turns thirteen you cant give them back .
Why signal out the Russian children? All children act up bad of all races. I am Russian and I did not act that way. It is all about the environment and it is very possible the parents of the adopted mistreated them.
It can be very difficult to afforadably adopt in the US unless you are looking for an older child – as in over 6 years old. And these children have been in the "system" for one to two year so they come with thier own issues. To adopt an infant it is a significant cost. And more daunting is the worry that the birth parent(s) will seek custody at a later time. Which is why some foreign adoptions are more attractive – you can get younger children and the birth parents rights are severed.
Maybe the USA should begin by looking at the adoption laws we have on the books and make them more friendly so that more people without the money to adopt. I do not imply that the family should be pay check to pay check status but why so much money to adopt 30k – 40K, better to use the money on the home and child..... America needs to look at themselves and see where we can change things to adopt the children we have right here in America...............
Nothing is good enough for Americans always complaining about everything
seems like the Brangelina pair has made adopting overseas a new trend.
For six years you have loved this little boy and tried, at the sacrifice of your family, to provide him with a home. You cannot risk the life of your two children to Roman. Hopefully you will find him a situation where he is happy and safe. I applaud all your efforts. But your children need to grow up safely and your efforts then can go toward meeting their needs, not all your time being usurped by one child that was misrepresented as "normal." For an expert to say that all adoptive parents should know about fetal alcohol syndrome and all its ramifications is absurd. Yours is a family being torn... and I hope you can see what you are doing is right . Protect your family and love them all.
When any baby is born there is always the possibiltiy of mental illness, to blame the orphanage or to bring a lawsuit against them treats the child like some sort of defective product that they were defrauded into buying what a a poor state of affairs that these parenst would sue the adoption agency, the entire point of adoption is to place children who have no family into a loving family , a loving family is not just for healthy children, I am ashamed that they would do this ,what are they expecting to win? money or do they want all the sick children to be labeled in the orphange so that arrogant parents like them will never consider adopting them ,
Because it's too expensive to adopt in the United States which is why people go overseas. Do your research before you make such an idiotic comment. I can count like 5 of them on here. And you Marisol Gonzalez you sure don't sound like you are from America. Oh wait because most American's and their family member's have kin that came from a different country. Idiots.
I have adopted one child already from Russia and am mid-process for a second. For all the people that are quick to judge the motives and decisions of parents that wish to adopt overseas, I would challenge you to educate yourself before making a decision what you believe.
Adoptions in the US are typically of older children. It is VERY hard to adopt a healthy caucasion child- more on this in a minute- under the age of 3 in the states. When you do find a child, it is most often through open adoption which encourages lifelong bi-directional contact between all 3 parties- the birth family, the adoptive family and the adopted child. Additionally, adoptions in the states strongly encourage foster parenting the children before you are allowed to adopt. This sets up the situation where a child comes to live with you for several months and then is taken away to be re-united with the birth parent because the greatest desire is to keep the children together with their birth family.
Now to be proactive and answer before someone else makes more opinionated bahooey, yes it is unfortunately true that there are more non-caucasion children in the US orphanage system than not. I will only speak for our family's motives and simply say that adopted children have enough obstacles and challenges to overcome without introducing more. I don't want my children to be ashamed of being adopted but I also want to afford them the opportunity to deal with it on their timing.
You would be amazed at the insensitive and uneducated opinions that people feel entitled to express. Realize that the receiving party- most particularly the kids- internalize your comments. As an adoptive parent, I am left to clean up and explain otherwise thoughtless words.
Before you ask, "why not adopt from your own country," please do some research. It is not as easy as you think and it is very expensive. Most people who turn to foreign adoptions do so because it won't be as much of a financial burden. Also, here in the US, so many birth-mothers change their minds. I know of a couple who had 3 birth-mothers decide to keep the baby. That is extremely difficult for an infertile couple, both emotionally and financially.
All I ask is please don't be so quick to judge. Unless you've dealt with infertility and done your homework on adoption, you can't really understand what these couples are going through.
JM – Donna wrote, "This child was supposedly 4 years old but was the SIZE of a child 4-5 years older."
She said the kid appeared older in size, she didn't say he WAS older.
Okay first off, this comment section isn't to argue with other people about your beliefs. Each person is entitled to their own opinion.
Second off, sometimes people chose to adopt from other countries to introduce themselves and a child to a life that they didn't know could exist. I agree that people should adopt from the US as well as other countries. But as a mentioned before, each person is entitled to their own opinion and decision.
So express your opinions all you want. Just don't get mad when someone doesn't agree with you.
My hairdresser has two children that she adopted from Russia. The oldest doesn't have any behavioral issues, and the younger one has anxiety when around new people. Even if they both had issues, my hairdresser and her husband wouldn't sue the adoption agency.
Either you deal with this or you send a helpless child back to a place where they have no family.
What a lousy mom. You don't give up a kid once you adopt just because he/she is a handfull. Thats what it means to be a parent. CPS should take away all their kids. Clearly they are in danger of being abandoned if mom gets stressed.
There are a lot of children needing a family in the US...however, what is disturbing is that there are just as many children with attachment disorders here in the US! We adopted domestically because we heard that children from overseas like Russian children have attachment concerns like RAD. HOWEVER, what I found out is that Reactive Attachment Disorder is here also. I adopted 3 kids and was not provided with their history. Two have Reactive Attachment Disorder and are VERY dangerous to themselves and to the family. No one ever talks about the kids HERE that need help.
To those asking 'why adopt outside of America'? I can tell you why. In America my husband and I are considered too 'old' to adopt a child. I am 38 years old and my husband is 50. If we want a child we have no choice but to adopt from another country or try to have a private adoption set up here.
Jim – Excuse me, I went back up and looked at the previous post and there was one of those lovely internet adds cutting off a portion of the post. On my end it says "old" not "older".
The point still is... as a teacher, which I am, I would not put up with a child from anywhere hitting, kicking, scratching or biting me for 2 months.
Adopted kids usually do have problems and ones from other countries are going to have additional problems just because of the cultural issues. People who aren't ready for "anything' should reconsider adoption. Besides, they are just going to add to the trauma the child has already experienced when they go to "return the defective merchandise". Maybe that's why the American adoptive system is tougher... we want to make sure the adoption is with people who can really handle it.
You got what you deserved. There are children here that need adopting. Why people from this country go to China, Russia and other places to get their rejects is beyond me!
Sure, people want to adopt in the US, but it's not easy. Birth parents change their minds all the time, there are so many legal loopholes for the birth parents to get their children back MONTHS after placement. It's is outrageously expensive, and unfortunately, most people want babies. Adoption agencies are a scam here–why does it need to cost $30-$40,000 in "fees"? It's easier to adopt an infant from foreign countries. Klaatu is wrong in saying that "there is a reason these kids are in an orphanage". Most of them are there because their parents have abandoned them or can't afford to care for them, or their parents have died. In China, it's generally the "one child" rule–there are more girl babies in orphanages than boys. Unless you have actually looked into adoption as I have, don't comment on things you don't know about. And as far as the comment by Brian "you don't know what you might get"–plenty of American kids that are raised by their own parents are violent and don't exactly turn out as planned, either.
I don't think it has anything to do with the country you're adopting from. A mental disorder is a mental disorder and if you're unfamiliar with how to deal with it, it is going to be overwhelming for anyone. I know of families who have adopted "American" and still have had the same issues these parents have had adopting "Russian" kids. Nobody can say that if in that situation you would know exactly how you would react. Is it going overboard to send a child back alone? Yes, but at your wit's end who knows what you would do. Until you walk in their shoes I don't think anyone has the right to criticize, unless of course you're perfect.
Children are not commodities that can simply be returned to Wal- Mart if broken or defective.............What is wrong with peoples thought process these days?!
@Rachel, what Donna said was the child looked 4-5 years older, not 4-5 years old
People who have their own biological children often have problems....they can be born disabled, autistic, etc. You can't expect an adoptive child to be the perfect son or daughter! First of all, they usually come from horrible situations and can be messed up psychologically...it takes time, patience, and lots of love!!! Maybe this child just needed help...medical intervention, counseling...the people from Tennessee should not have given up! To be a parent, you have to take the good with the bad! With help and love, this Russian boy will most likely grow up to be a remarkable young man! Shame on them! They should not be allowed to adopt again! Heaven forbid if they are able to conceive their own child biologically and he/she turns out to be disabled...
WOw, all your ignorant comments about "american-made" is really disgusting. Why don't people adopt in the US? How about because it costs a lot more for parents in the legal aspects?
Regardless of where these children are being adopted from.... there are always children who need families.....
Parents are being misled and misinformed about possible behavioral or emotional disorders these children have.... which should be taken into consideration because it is a "deal-breaker" for most potential adoptive parents. Wouldn't you want full disclosure before having a child brought into your home and lives permanently?
Rachel, if you are a teacher as you claim to be, you should learn to read. Donna states the child was 4-5 years OLDER.
When my wife and I looked into adoption 12 years ago, we were warned that the incidence of FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) were higher and harder to detect. This children are in orphanages, not foster homes, and these were over crowded. Basically, you never know what you might get, the damage and neglect , emotional and other issues. There is very little if any oversight of the orphanages.
We opted for a domestic waiting child adoption.
Yes, there are American kids, of all races waiting for families. They are cared for and it can be a wonderful parenting experience. We brought three kids (siblings) into our family. Yes, we were all in therapy from day one, they had experienced much trauma in their lives. We had ups and downs, but I am proud to see them as adults now.
Why do Americans just REFUSE to adopt in the US?? It's almost as if international children are fashionable and they just have to get one! There are plenty of children that would love to have a family right here in the US.
How about adopting a child from your own country?
Donna in Westwood.... You say the child was supposed to be 4 yrs old but looked to be 4-5 yrs old? I don't see a problem there. The child was "twice as big" as the other kids...you mean that kids grow to double their size in that 4-5 yr range compared to a 4 yr range... wow! I didn't know that!
Now come on, I can't question you on bruises, scratches and bite marks, but if your first part is questionable I'd wonder about that too. As a teacher myself, I can tell you I wouldn't put up with being hit, scratched and bit on for 2 months before something was done. It sounds to me as though the kid may have had some discipline problems, but it also sounds as though you may be overexaggerating a little bit.
It's not uncommon for all adoptive kids to have problems. A person thats not ready for potential problems needs to reconsider adoption expecially one from out of the country where the cultural issues will complicate it for everyone including the child.
@ Nancy .My feelings also what about American made I dont feel sorry for people who adopt over sea's .
Good Lord, people. Are you adopting because you want to be parents, or are you adopting because you have this belief that it is much easier to "order" a "designer baby?" I wouldn't let these idiots adopt a dog.
Gee!!! Why go to a foreign country to adopt...??? and then think its all going to be rosy....what? get smart...there is a reason their parents didnt want them,,,,they've been in a disgusting, dirty, filty, russian orphanage.. a country that still "reuses catheters, syringes and god what else...oh but the adoption agency said he was a perfectly heathy baby.....
You got just what you deserve....go to you local American Childrens Services....Adopt American First./..........
By suing they're trying to cover up their tracks so they don't get sued back. I am so glad that this little boy didn't end up with such rubbish parents. Good on him, he's back where he belongs and will end up with loving parents soon.
I agree with nancy, adopt from your own country!!
The Russian Government need's to be held accountable for adopting out their un-adoptable children. This little boy is not the only child adopted from Russia with severe psychiatric disorders. American citizens pay thousands of dollars to adopt these children and are being lied to as to the severe trauma they've suffered and their psychiatric issues. They aren't even provided medical records. Wasn't there an adoptive family in the news a fews months ago, who adopted their son from Russia, who were having these same types of issues in Oklahoma? I know of another parent who has adopted from Russia. Her son has TRIED to set the house on fire, hides knives and scissors all over the house and threatens to kill his family, plus much, much more. His mother did seek help and in turn DCYF tried to charge her with abuse and neglect because the psychiatric hospital he was placed in sent him home. On the way home, he tried to strangle his sister and tried to jump out of the moving vehicle. His mother turned the car around and took him back to the hospital. The hospital in turn reported her to DCYF in NH, who tried to charge with abuse and neglect because she sought help for her son. NH DCYF claimed the boy was perfectly normal and subsequently filed, collected and cashed Social Security checks for his mental disability.
After a year of hell of fighting the charges in court with an excellent Lawyer, she finally won her case. She left the state of NH and her son is now receiving the help he needs. He may never be able to return home as he is so badly damaged from the abuse he suffered in Russia. This mother has been dealing with this nightmare for five years.
Yes, there are American kids that need adopting. My husband and I recently battled infertility due to my hormone levels. We initially looked into adoption and had planned to go that route before trying IVF. To adopt a baby here in the US you can expect to spend at least $30,000 to $40,000. That is over 1/3 of our combined income; we just could not afford to adopt here in the US. IVF was the less expensive option (at $20,000). We were lucky and got pregnant on our first try and I now have a beautiful baby boy.
Nancy – I second that...
These children are abused physically and mentally in these countries!!! They are not treated with love, respect or compassion.Nor are they taught how ti love by being loved. They are shoved into cold and cruel orphanages who view them as burdens until they are sold (YES SOLD)The children are victims. Victims of a system with no one to watch over them and keep them safe.
Oh, please Donna. So sad literally. How sad that you are saying that there are problems with Russian children. All children act up sometimes. Especially going through something traumatic, like adoption to a new country, new parents, new everything. I feel so sorry for these children. They have such hard lives and didn't ask for it, and then there are people out there like you and the women from TN that would just be so heartless and careless about them. I have no pitty for you.
I find it a bit odd that parents who have adopted children from Russia are coming out now. This is KNOWN that the Russian little children have lots of issues. Suing the adoption agency is a bit ridiculous- if they had done research maybe they would have known what they wer getting themselves into!
In 2005 a child who had just been adopted from Russia was enrolled in my Pre-K class. This child was supposedly 4 years old but was the size of a child 4-5 years older. He was extremely violent and completely uncontrollable! Not only was he violent towards the other children (who were half his size) but I (the teacher) went home from work with many bruises, scratches, and bite marks every day! He was disenrolled after approx 2 months. The recent stories on children with problems being adopted out of Russia are no surprise to me!
Gee, aren't there any AMERICAN kids that need adopting?